Category Archives: Humor

Sunday Morning Blasphemy! Science FTW!

If walking on water and turning water into wine is all it takes to command a lifetime of obedience, you’re selling yourself cheap.

Presented (Almost) Without Comment

I honestly have no idea if this is a hoax or not. It seems a little too trollish to be true. But if it is? Holy Jumping Jesus!

Via Yahoo:

Birmingham, Alabama (PRWEB) December 04, 2012

The results of a 4 year study show that Americans who obtain their news from Fox News channel have an average IQ of 80, which represents a 20 point deficit when compared to the U.S. national average of 100. IQ, or intelligence quotient, is the international standard of assessing intelligence.

Researchers at The Intelligence Institute, a conservative non-profit group, tested 5,000 people using a series of tests that measure everything from cognitive aptitude to common sense and found that people who identified themselves as Fox News viewers and ‘conservative’ had, on average, significantly lower intelligent quotients. Fox Viewers represented 2,650 members of the test group.

He continues, “Fox News’ content is presented at an elementary school level and plays directly into the fears of the less educated and less intelligent.”

The researchers said that an IQ of 80 is well above the score of 70, which is where psychiatrists diagnose mental retardation. P. Nichols says an IQ of 80 will not limit anyone’s ability to lead happy, fulfilling lives.

The study did not conclude if Fox News contributed to lowering IQ or if it attracts less intelligent humans.

P. Nichols concludes that he wasn’t shocked by the studies’ results, rather how dramatic their range. “Several previous studies show that self-identified conservatives are less intelligent than self-identified moderates. We have never seen such a homogeneous group teetering so close to special needs levels.”

Sunday Morning Blasphemy! The Sacred Institution Of Marriage

Sometimes, I am absolutely convinced that the “deeply” religious and easily offended right wing has never actually read the Bible.

Tell me again how the “sacred” institution of marriage has always been “one man, one woman.”

Sunday Morning Blasphemy! Nailed it!

Forgive them Father, for they know not the right tools for the job…

 

Sunday Morning Blasphemy! And Lo, Did Bilbo Find The One Ring

The Twilight Saga is one of the most popular series ever sold. That doesn’t mean creepy, sparkly, pedophile vampires exist. Show me a first hand historical account of Jesus and we’ll talk about whether he existed let alone whether he was magical.

Romney Adviser ‘Stunned’ By Lack Of Loyalty Of Fellow Romney Supporters

Political Wire’s Quote of the Day:

“I won’t say who they are. They know who they are. They were on television. I mean, it was unbelievable. It was five, six days later, absolutely eviscerating him.”

– Former Romney adviser Dan Senor, quoted by CNN, saying it was “stunning” how Romney staffers “preened for administration positions when they thought Romney would win but then turned on the candidate as soon as he lost the election.”

Well, yeah! What did you think would happen? This is the political movement that runs on the premise of “every man for himself” (women are simply expected to marry well). Did you expect loyalty? HAHAHAHAHAHAH! That’s a good one! CEOs do not display loyalty to the peons! Are you mad? Are you suggesting they should remain loyal to him? Is Romney going to do anything for them after his loss? For frak’s sake! He cancelled their credit cards before they even took a cab home on election night!

Apparently Mr. Senor has not read Atlas Shrugged lately.

I Predict The Next Big Fox News Talking Point With My Magic Powers

I, the Amazing Filthy Liberal Scumbaro, shall peer into my crystal ball and pierce the veil of time itself! Imagine the following in a spooky Vincent Price voice:

I see…January 21, 2013! Yes…yesss…I see the second inaugaration of President Barack Obama! I see huge crowds….hundreds of thousands….not as many as his first inauguration….

What is this?! Suddenly I see…Megyn Kelly and Sean Hannity! They’re talking…about…the inauguration! Their tone is smug and condescending….but what do they speak of?

I hear them more clearly now! They are saying that the smaller crowd is indisputable proof that Obama does not have a mandate and that he’s not at all popular with the public…that he’s such a disappointment that  no one really showed up. Are they suggesting Obama had crowds bussed in? Yes! I can hear it plain as day!

I’m so positive this will come to pass that if Fox and the right does not push this narrative, I will put the Fox News logo (unadorned) on top of my FB page for a week!

The Gays Really ARE Coming! Not For Men, But For Their Women!

Don’t make me straight marry. You wouldn’t like me when I straight marry…

College Humor reveals the most devastating attack in the Gay Agenda’s “arse”nal: If we don’t allow them to marry, The Gays will come for our women! It’s true!

And straight, narrow minded women? You’re not safe either! The Lesbians could EASILY steal your boyfriends! The possibility of a three way with two lesbians is irresitable to the Y chromosome.

Think about it, won’t you?

Sunday Morning Blasphemy! Raptor Jesus – He Went Extinct For Your Sins

Complaints will not be accepted. Nowhere in the Bible does it say Jesus was not a raptor. Therefor, you cannot prove me wrong.

The Only Solution Is For The GOP To Go Even Further To The Right

This is an Outrage! Obama won again?! Gay marriage?! Legalized pot?! Puerto Rico possibly becoming a state?! Elizabeth Warren and Alan Grayson won? God-fearing men like Todd Akin and Allen West lost?!

There is but one solution for these indignities, conservatives:

The GOP MUST move to the right!

That’s correct: Mitt Romney didn’t lose because he ran the most dishonest campaign in a generation or two. No! He lost because he wasn’t conservative enough!

Romney needed to be MORE conservative! He needed to be more strident in his opposition to heathen godless liberals! No abortion under any circumstances! No contraception for sluts! The Ten Commandments in every courtroom and schoolroom! Prayer back in school (but only Christian prayers)! The only rape that counts is legitimate rape and certainly no abortions allowed! If it was a real rape, there wouldn’t BE a pregnancy in the first place. No more evolution taught in schools! No more public schools at all if possible!

Romney just wasn’t a real conservative. A real conservative isn’t afraid to speak up for his rights as a white man. A real conservative knows that women should be submissive and obedient. A real conservative knows that this is a Christian country and we won’t tolerate Sharia Muslims. Or Mexicans drug terrorists. Or commies fags.

And speaking of fags, a real conservative knows that gay marriage will destroy the sacred institution of god-sanctioned straight marriage. Homosexuality is a sin and should be banned. Gay adoption? Why not just hand the children over to pedophiles and be done with it?

So please, GOP, don’t be discouraged. This election was not a referendum on GOP obstructionism and dishonesty! This was a call from God to reaffirm your values as a true Christian soldier! Don’t shy away from your beliefs! Don’t let the poor and lazy hold you back! Fox News and AM radio will always be there to support you! The Koch brothers will make sure you have the funds you need to get rid of that ridiculous EPA!

You can do it! Santorum 2016! I’m rootin’ for ya!