Category Archives: Award of the Day

Dumbass of the Day: Fox News Is Offended By The LEGO Movie Because Why The Hell Not?

dumbass_thumbAnd now I am dumber for having watched this. I had to go clean out my ears because they were clogged by the brain cells trying to escape the stupidity. Behold, Fox News! Entertainment for “adults”:

“Looks a little bit like Mitt Romney” Yes, in the sense that he has a face. For fuck’s sake, Lord Business doesn’t even look like Will Ferrell and THAT’S who it’s supposed to be! This is how you speak to children.

And why is the head of a corporation easy to cast as the villain? Gee, I don’t know….maybe because their companies pollute our food, air and water? Maybe because they make millions in bonuses while firing millions of workers? Maybe because they sell dangerously defective products and never get punished for it? Maybe because they got so greedy, they crashed the American economy, destroyed the lives of countless people, demanded we bail them out and then turned around and worked even harder to screw the people that JUST paid to keep them in business?

I dunno, Fox, maybe that’s all just liberal hysteria and indoctrination…..Or maybe you’re just Kochsnorting whores for the 1%.

Happy Mother’s Day!

11352666_holding_ha_143507cMother is the name for God on the lips and hearts of all children
- James O’Barr’s The Crow

Did you know Mothers are the first superheroes? Long before Superman. Long before Wonder Woman. Even before Gilgamesh, the first hero of legend, there was “Mom.”

Among the many unearthly abilities possessed by mothers is how they can:

  • Change the very laws of thermodynamics by blowing on food so it’s always just the right temperature
  • Make time go faster – “Are we there yet?” “Soon sweetie…”
  • Make time go slower – “Just five more minutes, pleeeease?” “OK, honey…”
  • Heal boo-boos with just a kiss
  • Fix any toy no matter how broken
  • Chase away the boogeyman with her mere presence
  • Cook gourmet meals on demand
  • Make every toy mysteriously reappear in the toy chest overnight
  • Sing every bedtime song in a voice to rend angels silent
  • Tell bedtime stories that would make Scheherazade weep in jealously
  • Make even the worst day better with just a kiss and a hug

Mothers have the power to make childhood a time of wonder and delight and there is no greater responsibility. If your mother is still with you and is your superhero, take a moment to thank her. If she’s already gone from your life, take a moment anyway to hold her in your heart and relive your fondest memory.

Happy Mother’s Day!

Teddy Bears are the well-known sidekicks of mothers.

Teddy Bears are the well-known sidekicks of mothers.

Attention Whore Of The Day: Ann ‘I’m Outrageous!’ Coulter

Attention Whore

Awarded to Ann Coulter for the following:

MSNBC’s Martin Bashir suggested that Republican senators need to have a member of their families killed for them to support the Democrats’ gun proposals. (Let’s start with Meghan McCain!)

This is pretty much the entire function of the conservative entertainment complex, be as loud, as angry and as crazed as possible. The more debased the conversation becomes, the more money charlatans like Coulter makes. There are very few on the left that operate this way. Michael Moore is one of them but even he doesn’t come even close to the frothing and well planned rage that is Coulter. Also, Moore is capable of advancing the conversation, Coulter’s only goal is to drag the country through the mud.

For living down to our expectations by jumping up and down screaming obscenities at the moon, Congratulations, Ann Coulter! You’re an attention whore!

Douchebag Of The Decade: Donald Rumsfeld

Congratulations

 

It takes a special kind of douchebag to engineer the unnecessary deaths of tens of thousands or perhaps hundreds of thousands of civilians and then fondle yourself in public about it 10 years later. I present to you: Donald Rumsfeld!

Screen-Shot-2013-03-19-at-3.21.33-PM

 

Funny, weren’t we just going in there to take out Saddam and be gone in less than 6 months? Weren’t we just there for the WMDs? You know, the ones Rumsfled claimed we KNEW were there and that we KNEW where they were? Not “we think,” he said “We KNOW.”

We know where they [Iraq's WMD] are. They’re in the area around Tikrit and Baghdad and east, west, south, and north somewhat….I would also add, we saw from the air that there were dozens of trucks that went into that facility after the existence of it became public in the press and they moved things out. They dispersed them and took them away. So there may be nothing left. I don’t know that. But it’s way too soon to know. The exploitation is just starting.

- Interview with George Stephanopoulos on ABC News This Week, March 30, 2003

Funny that they were never used or found by anyone, ever.

If you don’t know all of Rumsfeld’s lies and sins by now, I’m not going to list them all. There’s a million books and documentaries about how badly he fumbled the Iraq invasion aftermath and how many lies he told leading up to it. Hop to it!

For merrily trying to rewrite history to excuse the horrors and war crimes you’ve committed, Congratulations, Mr. Rumsfeld! You’re an unparalleled douchebag!

As a side note, this tweet has finally made me find a use for religion in my life: Psychological torture! I hope Rumsfeld is a deeply religious man and truly believes in heaven and hell. The closer he gets to the end of his life, no matter how many lies he tells himself, he will be wracked with the guilt of what he’s done and fear the judgement he believes he will face. That kind of fear and terror is the most delicious punishment I could hope to inflict on a pig like Rumsfeld. May he live until ancient and his death not be fast and sudden. The longer he contemplates the afterlife, the better.

Attention Whore Of The Day: The NRA

Awarded for the following “commercial:”

I had written an entire post about how stupid this is but I realized that was the whole point so I deleted it. That the NRA is sinking to this level is for one purpose and one purpose only: They want to polarize the argument. They, correctly, understand that if “liberals” attack them for doing something vile, conservatives will naturally seek to defend them no matter what the circumstances. This is a tactic the powers that be on the right regularly use. This is why they released their “Shooter” video game when they did and what LaPierre’s crazed press conference was about. Normally, I would urge people to condemn the hell out of them but that is precisely what they want.
This is one of those rare instances where I plan on completely ignoring the stupidity of the right.
Congratulations, NRA! You’re today’s attention whore and I shouldn’t even have written this post about it.

Moron of the Day: Eric ‘X+Y=Stupid’ Bolling

Awarded for this you-need-to-read-it-to-believe-it idiocy via Raw Story:

“But even worse is the way some textbooks are pushing the liberal agenda,” the Fox News host explained, pointing to an algebra worksheet that Scholastic says gives students “[i]nsight into the distributive property as it applies to multiplication.”

“Distribute the wealth!” Bolling exclaimed, reading the worksheet. “Distribute the wealth with the lovely rich girl with a big ole bag of money, handing some money out.”

Maybe we should make car manufacturers stop calling it a “distributor cap” as well? Is there no end to this liberal perfidy?!

And let’s not skip this tidbit:

Bolling advised parents to read their children’s history books because his son’s textbook addressed the Iraq war “and they were very, very liberally biased, saying George Bush went in there because he heard there were weapons of mass destruction and they were never found. It was a very liberal bias to the history books.”

Yellowcake Uranium, Aluminum tubes, “Don’t let the smoking gun be a mushroom cloud” and, of course, WMDs. Any of that ring a bell in that empty head of yours?

Yes Eric you dumb bastard, George Bush told the country we were invading Iraq because he heard they had WMDs and, no, they were never found. It’s possible that you’re shocked because the truth is Bush knew there were no WMDs and your son’s textbook is passing off conservative propaganda as history but somehow I doubt you have that kind of integrity. Or intelligence.

Congratulations, Eric Bolling of Fox “News!” You’re an official moron!!

Rush Limbaugh: Douchebag Of The Year

The votes have been tallied and after a tight race between John Boehner and Rush Limbaugh for the distinction of being the sleaziest person in the country, El Rushbo has come out on top! Unfortunately, you are now stuck with that visual. Sorry.

You all know Rush from his career of incendiary statements designed solely to enrage easily duped conservatives. He respects no one, not even his listeners! He calls his followers “dittoheads.” He might as well call his audience “morons.” Not that they’ll care, they’re too busy hanging on his every word no matter how transparent his lies are. Maybe Rush understands his audience better than we think?

But he’s more than a lying weasel! He’s a world class hypocrite, too! He decries drug addicts while being a recovering one himself. He accuses others of low morals after being arrested on his way back from the Dominican Republic with nary a female companion in sight and a bottle of Viagra that was not in his name. In case you didn’t know, the D.R. is one of the most popular destinations in the Caribbean for sex tourism. According to Rush, people on unemployment or welfare are leeches despite the fact that he, himself, collected unemployment for several months.

2012, though, was a banner year for the man who fancies himself the leader of the conservative movement. He was so convinced of his power that he opened up the floodgates of right wing stupidity that ultimately lost the election.

Sure, the debates were a special kind of insanity but that was idiots preening for morons. For me, the pivotal moment was the Sandra Fluke disaster. Rush spent three days yelling and ranting about how slutty and whorish Sandra Fluke was. Why? Because she wanted hormonal birth control covered by her medical insurance for both contraceptive reasons and the myriad health benefits said contraception provides that has nothing at all to do with contraception.

A quick refresher: Sandra Fluke was invited by Democrats to speak before Congress on the matter of religious institutions like colleges and hospitals covering hormonal birth control on student or employee health coverage. Her reasoning was that it can cost up to $3000 a year, particularly if taken for medical reasons other than contraception. The GOP refused because the idea of a woman speaking about reproductive rights didn’t make any sense to the group of older men convened to make those decision. The Democrats held their own hearing and Fluke was allowed to speak.

Rush Limbaugh was highly offended! He spent three whole days tearing into this woman he had never met. Via Wikipedia:

What does it say about the college co-ed Susan Fluke [sic], who goes before a congressional committee and essentially says that she must be paid to have sex, what does that make her? It makes her a slut, right? It makes her a prostitute. She wants to be paid to have sex. She’s having so much sex she can’t afford the contraception. She wants you and me and the taxpayers to pay her to have sex. What does that make us? We’re the pimps. (interruption) The johns? We would be the johns? No! We’re not the johns. (interruption) Yeah, that’s right. Pimp’s not the right word. Okay, so she’s not a slut. She’s “round heeled”. I take it back.

He continued that day and stated:

Can you imagine if you’re her parents how proud of Sandra Fluke you would be? Your daughter goes up to a congressional hearing conducted by the Botox-filled Nancy Pelosi and testifies she’s having so much sex she can’t afford her own birth control pills and she agrees that Obama should provide them, or the Pope.

At one point he demanded that she video tape herself because the taxpayers deserved some compensation for paying for her sex life. Rachel Maddow lit into Limbaugh on her show:

Limbaugh lost dozens of advertisers and cost his parent company, Clear Channel, millions of dollars in lost revenue. There is talk that he damaged the entire concept of AM Hate Radio, an important part of the right wing echo chamber that keeps the conservative base as angry and misinformed as possible. But that wasn’t the best part!

After Limbaugh pushed the absolute limits of misogyny to their breaking point, for some insane reason, the GOP followed him. It’s not exactly news that Republicans are part of the He-Man’s Woman Haters Club but 2012 saw them forget they were supposed to lie about it. Were they emboldened by the fact that Limbaugh emerged seemingly unscathed? The toll he had taken on AM Hate Radio would not be clear for many months so, at the time, it seemed as if he had just a little bad PR. Perhaps Republicans believed that Rush spoke for the majority of the country. There is clear evidence that the entire right wing was trapped in a bubble of unreality; none more clear than Karl Rove’s meltdown on election night.

Whatever the cause, Rush kicked off a storm of open disgust for women. Fox tried to downplay it as “religious objections” but it always came back to “women can’t be trusted to think for themselves.” It was like a someone had pushed the “stupid button” and they couldn’t stop insulting women. The Democrats had said there was a “War on Women” and, WOW!, did the right do everything possible to confirm it.

Following Limbaugh’s example, right wing pundits and politicians railed against women having sex, women having abortions for ANY reason at all and, worst of all, kept trying to redefine rape. This last part was key to the massacre of the 2012 election. Until now, the right has been very careful to hide their true intentions behind code words like “pro-life” and “right to work.” In 2012, that all went out the window. Suddenly rape has “different levels” in which some kinds were “legitimate” and others barely count as rape. Hell, if you got pregnant, you weren’t even raped at all!

This disdain for the rights of women exposed the GOP for the extremists they truly are. Sure, liberals have been saying this for decades but it’s hard to dismiss such accusations when the words “Some girls, they rape so easy” actually come out of the mouth of right wing politicians (Yes, he MEANT to say, “Some girls, they claim rape so easy.” You could argue that this is better but you would be an idiot).

And that brings us back to our winner, Rush Limbaugh. For being a world class hypocrite, liar and sleaze and for unleashing the right wing’s barely concealed misogyny in such a tsunami of bile and hate that even moderate conservatives and independents couldn’t ignore it, Congratulations! You’re the official Douchebag of the Year!!!

Bonus! Since this is the first time I’ve done this, I solicited entries for the award graphic. Here are all the runner-ups! Thank you all for taking the time. I have the best readers ever!

The Official Douchebag Of The Year Poll!

OK! Here are the top six contenders for “Douchebag Of The Year!” It would have been five but Rush Limbaugh and Paul Ryan tied. Select who YOU want to see rewarded on January 2 with a special sneak preview on this Monday’s podcast!

Who Is The Douchebag Of The Year?

  • Rush Limbaugh (26%, 270 Votes)
  • John Boehner (24%, 243 Votes)
  • Wayne LaPierre (20%, 204 Votes)
  • Todd Akin (11%, 108 Votes)
  • Paul Ryan (11%, 108 Votes)
  • Mitt Romney (8%, 95 Votes)

Total Voters: 1,028

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Scumbag Of The Day: The Pope (Seriously)

Awarded to the piece of dirt masquerading as the head of a religious organization for the following:

In one of his most important speeches of the year, the Pope stressed that a person’s gender identity is God-given and unchangeable. As a result, he sees gay marriage as a “manipulation of nature.”

People dispute the idea that they have a nature, given to them by their bodily identity, that serves as a defining element of the human being,” he said at the Vatican on Friday. “They deny their nature and decide that it is not something previously given to them, but that they make it for themselves.”

The Pope has said that gay marriage, like abortion and euthanasia, is a threat to world peace.

So, according to the Pope, not only is no one born a homosexual but denying their “bodily identity” is a terrible, terrible thing.

Let’s ignore the proven biology, the ridiculous idea that someone taught their entire life that being gay is a “burn for all eternity” sin would still choose to be gay and despise themselves for their entire life, the even more ludicrous idea that someone living in a society that roots out and executes homosexuals would want to be gay and the hundred of animal species that regularly engage in homosexual behavior. Let’s just focus on the second part: that denying their “bodily identity” is a danger to world peace.

That would mean that all prosthetics are evil. You were born without a leg so how DARE you replace it?! Surgery is evil. You were born with a defective heart valve. Who do you think you are, defying God’s will by repairing it? Airplanes, boats, cars and every kind of transportation is evil. You were given two feet. If you can’t walk or swim to where you want to go, you are upsetting God’s plans for you. Clothes are evil. If you need clothes to live in colder climates, you are a sinner. If God had wanted you to live there, you would have fur.

This is, of course, ridiculous. Perhaps someone should point out to this pious pig that his Church’s protection of pedophiles has wrought more damage on the hearts and minds and bodies of their uncountable victims than all the gay marriage in the world ever could.

And people still wonder why I spit on organized religion?

Congratulations, Mr. Pope! By furthering the cause of hate and discrimination in the name of a man who promoted neither, you’ve proven that you are, indeed, a scumbag!

Or, as Tim Minchin puts it:

Moron Of The Day: Mississippi Governor Phil Bryant

Awarded for the following:

At an event this week to address the issue of unintended pregnancy in the state, Gov. Phil Bryant (R) told reporters he believes that although most adolescents do know how to obtain and use contraception, “the problem is teenagers do not care enough” about using birth control.

And why do they not care? Because Mississippi tells them not to:

Bryant has said repeatedly that he believes abstinence-only is the best approach to teaching young people about sex. It’s the approach that’s been used for years by the school districts that already were teaching optional classes about sex education.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. If teaching abstinence only didn’t work before why would it work now? Further, if you teach abstinence only you MUST either be skipping over contraceptives completely or seriously downplaying their efficacy. Both will invariably lead to increased teen pregnancy.

If the Mississippi GOP gave a crap about reducing teen pregnancy (and the abortions, poverty and other social issues associated with it) they would be doing everything possible to make sex safe. Instead, they cling to an arbitrary religious moral code, sit back and tut-tut the inevitable results of their policies.

And then they come up with world class stupid to explain their failures.

For insisting that teens just say “no” while intentionally depriving them of vital information and wondering why teens don’t use contraceptives, Congratulations, Governor Bryant! You’re a moron!